Wednesday, 02 May 2012
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It's not me it's my metabolism!
Metabolism gets blamed for everything. Last time I check it was our metabolisms fault that we went to war in Afghanistan. Our metabolisms have become the modern day scapegoat for anything not going our way, and especially why we can’t lose “those last few pounds.”
Who hasn’t heard it?
Girl 1 to Girl 2: “Oh my God, I’m skinny ‘cos my metabolism is as fast as a jaguar.”
Girl 2 to Girl 1: “Oh, mine is a turtle. That’s why I’m kind of fat.”
Girl 1 to Girl 2: “Oh babe, that’s such a shame.” (Secretly laughing on the inside and simultaneously experiencing “metabolism superiority.”
But both girls are wrong. Blaming our metabolism for not reaching desired weight goals is a lazy way to live, as well as scientifically incorrect. Our metabolism can be manipulated through diet and exercise, but at the end of the day they aren’t the last word when it comes to weight loss. It sucks but it’s true: the only reason I don’t have my dream body is because I’m just a little bit indiscipline with the cookie jar.
Metabolism is the process the body uses to convert food to fuel, through a series of chemical and hormonal process. The speed of metabolism is unique to an individual, and inherited to an extent. Given that it’s inheritable now is the perfect excuse to let your mom have it. I’ve always blamed my dad for my slightly large quad muscles. Now I can blame him for my tummy too.
But you have to stop blaming the parents at some point. Throwing junk in the engine is the cause of weight gain, not the engine itself. Those who think they have a ‘turtle’ can still me slim: as long as they eat well. Our body is a finely tuned machine. Excess calories with minimal calories will weigh it down: in the form of 10 pounds of extra “cushion.” Even jaguars that eat 10 cakes a day will get caught at some point by a healthy eating turtle.
People who are a bit overweight have a huge advantage if they are trying to lose weight through exercise. People with higher bodyweights burn more calories than a tiny gym bunny doing identical workouts. So while you might not look as good in the gym leggings today, you’ll be looking banging soon, as long as you keep the running up.
So how do you get the engine running? Muscle burns calories faster than fat and adding weight training to daily workouts will increase muscle mass over time. Even after a strength workout the body has to work harder to maintain muscle mass because muscles are biologically hungrier than fat. So if you’ve been pumping iron in the gym and 6 hours later you’re hungrier than a hippo take it as a fact that your muscles are munching away on your body, and you need more food.
What’s in your diet is important too. As moms have been preaching for generations, breakfast really is the most important meal of the day when it comes to kicking metabolism into gear. And no one needs to be told that vegetables, lean meat like chicken and water are the things you should be eating.
So don’t put all of life’s failures on metabolism: he’s only a minor natural body process. Eating healthily and exercising regularly are sure-fire ways to lose weight, and be happy.
What do you think? Do you blame your metabolism when it’s just not his fault?
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In a Relationship with my Nike Plus Watch
I’m in a relationship with my watch, which I think is probably illegal in most states in the USA. It’s not that I can’t have relationships with real people, its just this watch is taking over my life.
Aside form getting free Nike gear, being a college athlete is hard work. I train 20 hours a week in season. And even though our spring semester is over, being ‘off season’ doesn’t change anything.
I have expected fitness standards I have to pass in order to play games in Fall 2012. My field hockey coach gave me a Nike Plus watch last week to track my progress over the summer. Before you work out you sync your watch with GPS satellites that track your run/interval training/whatever you do to shake your body. You then plug the watch into your computer and your workout is automatically uploaded to the Nike site. It tells you how fast you ran, how far you went, and how many calories you burned.
I’ve never spent so much time with anything in my life. This is where my new relationship status comes in: my watch and I are too tight to ‘just be friends’.
I’ve never been Facebook official with anyone. But now I feel like I’m in a relationship with the luminous-yellow-and-black-technologically-beautiful-thing permanently attached to my wrist. I’m weighed down by the emotion of the situation. Finally, someone who understands how important sport is in my life.
If you’ve never been in love, and you love sport, here’s some reasons to get really ‘into’ a Nike Plus.
Nike is there when you need him: This relationship is on your terms. If you want Nike, you charge him up on your laptop with the ingenious USB adapter concealed in the wrist strap. If you don’t want Nike you leave him on the floor. For those who don’t know, this is something you can’t do in a normal relationship, unless you want to get dumped.
Nike has “Universal Positive Regard” for you. Nike Plus does not judge you when you look ugly in the morning. He also doesn’t care about what you wear, probably because he wears yellow and black everyday. All he cares about is how far you run. As long as you run around a bit Nike will think you are a godly gift.
Nike believes in the power of reinforcement. After every workout I have become conditioned to stare down at Nike. Everyday, without fail, he flashes a message at me on his perfect little screen: Something along the lines of ‘GREAT WORKOUT’. This can happen for you too! In Nike’s eyes you can do no wrong. This is something future lovers should take note of.
You can test out being in an open relationship. Your watch flashing a daily ‘NICE RUN’ may get boring. Don’t fret: there are relationship options. You can create a ‘mini’ on the Nike Plus website who speaks to you whenever you go online. You can choose everything about him, down to his mohawk. Whenever you log on he either tells you, “You are wonderful.” or complains, “Oh man, I wish I could go on a run.” The result of a ‘mini guilt-trip’ is the obligation to do for your mini what he can’t do for himself. When motivation is lacking, I run for my mini. And he loves me more for it.
Nike loves a bit of competition. Your watch makes you territorial. You may think you and your Nike have something special, but millions of other people have a Nike Plus too. Sometimes other athletes on the site try to challenge me. I say, “All right then, bring it on.” I go kill a run and show everyone else in Nike-land that my Nike and I have, like, a way better ‘relationship’ than anyone else.
What do you think? Should I be Facebook official with my watch?
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I'm Iona
